I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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