you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't think brook has ever known best
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
