is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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