He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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