weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your cock deserves a montage
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
