are you still at the devil's house?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
