And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
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the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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