Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
