my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
