Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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