I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
