I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
