sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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