I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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