By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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