they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
