I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
