Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
