I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize