nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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