Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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