i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
