Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
