where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
