she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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