Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
