I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
