You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
