Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
