I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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