I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
