I faked an abortion last night.
if only i could text you this smell
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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