Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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