I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
