i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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