Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
