so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's shark week go big or go home
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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