It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
