it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
