You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
