The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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