and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
