guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
