4 words: hood of his car
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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