i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
