oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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