I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
