My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
