I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Mom said you looked used
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
