Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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