you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
