She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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