I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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