If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize