She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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