Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My hand turned me down
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
