Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
