you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
