The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize