WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize