im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
