I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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