you would pick up someone in the library
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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