I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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