Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
