Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
