On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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