i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
