You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
