your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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