my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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