So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
PANTIES FOUND
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
