Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
