I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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