grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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